I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize