the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
