He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
