I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You smell like stripper and shame
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
