"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
