This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
