i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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