Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
