She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
