Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
