oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
