I've blown a few things in my day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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