is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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