how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
now i know why i became what i already was.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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