Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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