And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So vagazzling was a success
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
