dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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