If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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