What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
