I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
