Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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