He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
