shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
