Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
