my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
