I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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