the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
