You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
