Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
