Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
