Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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