Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
