I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
