you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
3 2 1 whiskey
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
