How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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