Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
