The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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