I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
