I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let's paint friendship bongs
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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