my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
