This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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