how can u be prego again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
