I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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