i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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