i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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