He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just googled if crying burns calories
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
