it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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