i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
