mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
