You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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