It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
