i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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