During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
