Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
