Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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