I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
