the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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