Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
