just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
