I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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