plz talk dirty to me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
