You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
