There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do vagina's smell?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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